Friday, February 6, 2009

We are not amused

Today, my tutor spent some time talking about various occasions when he had the opportunity to be on television and radio. The discussion began with a description of how before appearing on TV, he was liberally caked in make up. My other tutor piped in, "See, all those beautiful people on TV - none of that's real."

Now my tutor is probably one of the most mild mannered, polite, and easygoing physicians I've ever met. He's quite perceptive and has excellent bedside manner. This made the continued description of his moment in the limelight all the more unexpected:

I was really curious what was in that cup that they have for you to drink when you're being interviewed. Whisky? Vodka? Turns out it was just water... frigging water!

We couldn't help but laugh.

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Following our usual clinical skills half-day, we continued to have classes at the hospital as part of our new course. To celebrate our first full hospital day of the year, the hospital provided a sandwich lunch for all the students (who would otherwise be rushing to catch the shuttle back downtown). Students + free lunch = good times. I enjoyed some animated conversation with Billie, Kushima, Mello, and a couple of other friends.

After chuckling over Billie's use of the word "nappies" in lieu of "diapers", we digressed into a discussion of the British royal family.

Billie: I love the royals.

Andy: Do you fawn over the princes?

Billie: No I don't.

Andy: Then you don't really love the royals.

Billie: No, I guess I don't...

Billie: I like the Queen, though.

Andy: We are not amused.

...

Andy: You know my girlfriend told me that the royal "we" refers to the monarch and God... since, you know, the Queen is supposed to be God's representative on Earth.

Mello: Is that true?

Andy: I don't know, but it sounds plausible doesn't it?

Billie: But then why doesn't the Pope refer to himself as "we"? I think he's missing an opportunity here.

Andy: Maybe the Queen is just more conceited than the Pope.

Billie: No, I think the Pope is more conceited.

Billie: That, given that I don't really know anything about the Queen or the Pope.

Andy: Wow... that was an... um... compelling argument there.

...

Andy: I wish I was Queen.

Andy: I mean... King.

Mello: I was about to say, I think that would be difficult.

Andy: Well... there are ways.

...

Andy: Then I could use the royal "we".

Andy: We think you're stupid.

In fact, the royal "we" (or majestic plural) is most commonly thought to refer to the notion that a monarch speaks for both him or herself and their people; though some do carry the "Queen + God" belief (#5).

After beating to death the subject of the royals, we discovered a section of our clinical text devoted to explaining "Medical terminology and slang" regarding the Adult Sexual History. My friends then had the opportunity to watch me decline to the level of a 12-year old boy as I giddily strung together a half dozen verbs describing the act of sexual intercourse such as boinking, zubbing, shtubbing, and porking. My favourite terms, however, had to be cherry (a virgin), crotch rot (foul smelling discharge), and fisting (an excessively visual term describing the act of "insertion of the hand into the anus or rectum" - how you fit a hand in there is an entirely unnecessary piece of information). I am embarrassed by my level of amusement.

2 comments:

Teddy is back said...

those terms are so Charades material

sandlot said...

haha last semster, during the first day in my seminar on HIV/AIDS Prevention, the prof. made the class define various slang terms for sexual activities.

who knew that watersports didn't involve water skis, but something much vulgar?