Sunday, April 5, 2009

Andy's Universal seeks bailout

THE UNIVERSAL PRESS

Andy's Universal (TSX: NDU) has petitioned the Canadian government for bailout funding following a failed aggressive takeover bid by the medical conglomerate Examinations Without Borders (TSX: MNU). A company executive cited increased consumer expectations for the corporation's ailing condition. "Productivity has been steady at a constant level, however expectations for our expertise have more or less doubled since the last quarter," explained the source, who wished only to be identified as Andy.

The company is asking the government for $1 billion in bailout money (estimated to be equivalent to 72 man-hours, or three days of productivity). Without the much needed capital, executives fear a significant drop in output this year, which is often gauged on the Measuring Aptitude and RanKing Scale (MARKS). Andy's Universal has threatened to close down all of its offices in the country should this eventuality occur. The corporation is currently responsible for the livelihood of a total of 1.00 Canadian employee.

1 comment:

Mello said...

hahaha! it all sounded so official until..."The corporation is currently responsible for the livelihood of a total of...ONE Canadian employee".

this made my day.

and than you for reminding me about MARKS....right before mnu, lol!