Monday, July 13, 2009

Friends don't let friends do helium

You may vaguely recall that my birthday was a month and a half ago. For the occasion, Mello and J-Rock bought me a floating, helium-filled Winnie the Pooh balloon, which I was then required to wear tied around my wrist for the rest of the evening. That balloon, amazingly enough, is still flying high (though it looks less plump than before). I assume the balloon is giving its best effort because of my assurances to Mello and J-Rock that when this wonderful sign of our mutual affinity for one another deflates, our friendship will be promptly terminated... just kidding.

But it seems that in my post-birthday gushing, I forgot to retell the amusing story of how this embarrassingly colourful floating Pooh balloon came to be...

Yes, this balloon had its humble origins in a grocery store somewhere in the Great White Expanse known today as Canada. I had diverted Mello and J-Rock on a quest to locate and bring back birthday candles, unaware that they would return with a shiny, floating object. But this balloon was not always full of energetic gravity-defying chutzpah. It began as a limp, lifeless protoform of a Pooh balloon. In order to imbue it with the grandeur for which it was destined, J-Rock and Mello approached a friendly-looking store employee and asked the following question:

"Do you guys sell helium?"

The employee recoiled with shock, then delivered a glaring cut-eye.

"No we do not sell helium!"

Translation: "I don't know what kind of drugs you kids do these days, but this is a respectable establishment. Take your sketchy selves elsewhere." As an aside, apparently in Korea all the bad boys sniff glue in lieu of doing drugs. I did not make this up.

Deflated like their balloon, J-Rock and Mello gestured at their limp, unhappy Pooh and whimpered,

"So... you can't fill this up for us?"

Suddenly, the employee's face brightened and their disapproving scowl was replaced by a congenial smile.

"Oh! Yes, we can do that for you... We just don't... sell it."

And that's the story of how I got my Pooh balloon, which still floats valiantly in my room to this day. Fin.


Michael said...

"...a mixture of helium and oxygen (heliox) can lead to high pressure nervous syndrome, a sort of reverse-anesthetic effect..."

I think we all know the REAL reason Andy's balloon is slightly deflated!

a_ndy said...

Because I want a high pressure nervous syndrome? While reverse-anesthetic might sound like a high, I'm distrustful of anything that's followed by the word "syndrome."