Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Why I wear glasses

Yesterday, I was a subject in my friend's MEG (magnetoencephalogaphy) study. Because MEG is a functional study, I was actually required to perform certain tasks at the same time as being scanned, which required proper visual function. However, wearing glasses into a giant magnet is for one reason or another taboo. So I donned a fresh pair of soft contacts and shed my glasses, an event which happens every once in a blue moon.

All day, I had friends asking me "What happened to your glasses?" or "Are you wearing contacts?" (to which I usually shot back a snarky, "Nope, I'm pretty blind today.")

Still, it's understandable that people didn't know quite what to make of my glasses-free face, because I wear glasses all the time - and for good reason. Which brings us to the question-du-jour: Why do I wear glasses?
  • Because I'm blind as a wombat - Okay, no. Wombats aren't blind (as far as I know), but I'm not quite as blind as an actual bat (that would be Mello). Clocking in at a whopping -6.5, I just happen to be pretty seriously impaired.

  • Because glasses make me look smarter - It's true. Nothing says hard-working, studious young bloke like a pair of serious-looking eyeglasses.

  • Because glasses hide dark circles - Like any student, I am frequently a victim of sleep debt. While glasses can't protect me from falling asleep in class (that requires a different kind of glasses), those dark frames do draw attention from those unsightly bags under my eyes.

  • Because glasses fill out my face - It's not that my eyes are unusually small - they're actually quite passable. I'm Asian. But when I wear contacts for the entire day, my eyes get tired and squinty by the end... and trust me, that's not particularly photogenic.

  • Because I can see better - I don't know if it's because I have an infinitesimally small astigmatism in one eye, but for some reason or another my optometrist was unable to fit my contacts as well as my glasses. This means that while I delight in seeing the world through my own eyes, I get kind of woozy if I try to read too much text with my contact lenses on.

  • Because glasses let your eyes breathe - Can't you hear your poor eyes being smothered by your soft contacts? They're screaming, "Oxygen! Oxygen! Dammit, I'm getting worse by the minute! Somebody get this thing off me!" Sure, they stop screaming after awhile, but that's just because you've asphyxiated them to death.
The way I see it, there's only one good reason for me to wear contact lenses on a more regular basis (other than the fact that I don't have to wipe them down every time dirt flies at me - apparently dirt on your actual eye is not quite as debilitating):
  • Sunglasses - Because no matter how great your glasses look, sunglasses are glasses' cooler older brother. Since putting glasses-on-glasses is more than likely to negate that cool factor, it's best to shed ye old spectacles if you are keen to don these sun-loving devices.
But still, glasses ftw.


tammy said...

i clock in at -7.25 and -5.75 soooooo i beat you in blindness in one eye.

but i'm not a fan of wearing glasses. they make my eyes look so much smaller then they actually are and i accidentally bought ones that leave imprints on the sides of my nose. unawesome.

i also can't wear makeup when i wear glasses b/c it feels gross, so when i wear glasses i look more tired (although it does sort of hide dark circles).

the only pro is it lets my eyes breathe. my eyes don't get irritated and unlike contacts, i can wear glasses as long as i want. b/c of this i mainly wore glasses the entire school year.

moral of the comment? school sucks.

a_ndy said...

Curse our myopic Chinese genes. My brother theorizes that all our visually-blessed brethren died out during war. Although maybe there's actually an adaptive advantage to extreme short sightedness?

I used to notice imprints on the side of my nose, but I don't anymore. I don't know if that is because I only take off my glasses to go to sleep, because my vision is so bad that I don't see imprints on my nose anymore, or because my latest frames are lighter.

I won't argue with the moral of your story though.

Mello said...

I like to think of my eyes as "too powerful" (courtesy of vision week) rather than "blind as a wombat" thank you very much.

brutalturtle.blogspot.com said...

Visually blessed brethren right here. You always forget about me what the heck man.

Because glasses make me look smarter - AHA enough for me to get glasses yes.

a_ndy said...

@Mello: Gee that reminds me of a little conversation we had...

M: You know what someone told me? I forget who. When you're short sighted, you don't have to think of it as your eye being too long, you can think of it as your lens being "too powerful!"

A: Yeah... that was me...

@brutal: Yes, yes, you have perfect vision. Rub it in... When are you getting those glasses you wanted anyways?

shirls said...

I wrote this when I was in grade 8.

It's a brilliant piece of work. I know you love it. ;p

a_ndy said...

I do love it actually. It's almost as great as my Grade 12 poem about unmentionables. I wish I could find that damn poem...

Joyce said...

I usually prefer contacts over glasses (and hard contacts too, aren't i intense? :D). Well, unless i'm severely sleep=deprived or messing around with chemicals... Sooo basically, i almost only wear glasses during the school year. T-T;;

And i am more blind than you! -7.00 and -6.75 last time i checked...

(Oh and agreed with Tammy above, glasses make your eyes look smaller, which i really don't need D: )