Saturday, December 26, 2009


This Christmas, Sandlot and I decided to partake of the jubilant couples-bonding exercise of building a gingerbread house. We opted for an easy ready-to-assemble kit, probably due to my lack of baking abilities. While our plan seemed sound, the actual task was fraught with challenges. For instance, the house arrived with the corners of both roof panels broken. Then, upon assembly, the icing refused to harden sufficiently to keep the roof panels on the house itself. After fighting gravity for the umpteenth time as our roof caved in, we arrived at this wonderful monstrosity. Let Sandlot and me guide you through its risqué avante-garde design:

  1. "Usually, people like sun roofs, but instead of a sunroof, we have a sun corner!"

  2. "Some people can't decide whether they want a horizontal roof or a vertical roof. We decided to put both." Actually, they both look kind of angular and neither of them looks horizontal nor vertical. But I guess what Sandlot was trying to say here was that one of the roof panels is stacked with the long side up. Trust us, this is a very cutting-edge design.

  3. "We also have this man here who comes with the house... free of charge!" Yes, one of our more desperate solutions to our roof problem was to wedge in a person to keep the roof propped up. This person is apparently me, although covered in icing I barely look like a person. If you look carefully, you may also note one white and one blue gumball on the ground. Those are supposedly my breasts (which fell off) - a failed experimentation with plastic surgery?

  4. So we never actually got around to decorating our house. Because of its structural problems, we eventually gave up on assembly. The gingerbread wasn't very tasty either.

  5. "We have... yeah, that's about it."

Of course, the random globs of icing and intimidating holes only serve to add character to our house. You know, a few bullet-holes... "Bullet-holes? Where do we live?!" Scarlem, of course.

The story of this house that Sandlot and I built (affectionately known as the "House that Awesome Built") made the rounds amongst my family members. In an attempt to further demonstrate her superiority to me in every way, my sister decided to undertake her own fantastic gingerbread project. Opting for a gingerbread train, she printed out a design from the Internet and proceeded to bake the gingerbread from scratch. Days later, this impressive beast reared its steam-powered head:

Four cars long and able to stand on its own for more than five minutes, my sister's gingerbread train capably shamed our gingerbread shack. Wait, what am I saying? Our shack was awesome.

Still, I have to give credit where credit is due. The train was a breathtaking baking feat complete with surrounding foliage, a snowman, candy cane logs, functioning cargo cars, and popcorn steam coming out of the smokestack. Amazing.


shirls said...

Your sister's train is definitely awesome!

For the future, decorate the house before assembly. Icing doesn't hold up well against gravity.

sandlot said...

1) "Sandlot and I decided to partake of the jubilant couples-bonding exercise of building a gingerbread house" - LOL. Nice phrasing of words.

2) "The gingerbread wasn't very tasty either." - From what i remember, Andy the Gingerbread Man with Multicoloured Gumball Boobs was quite sweet... just like the real deal. ahaha.

3) Next christmas, can i trade you in for your sister? I mean... as awesome as our shack was... i want a super awesome train!

a_ndy said...

You want to trade me?!

sandlot said...

hahhahah just for a day... or three... however long it takes to make a super awesome train.

i'd still want you back afterwards. hahahahahahhahaah. <3

a_ndy said...

Sounds like a dreary one (or three) days for me. I suppose I can take one for the team... Team Awesome, that is.