Monday, January 18, 2010

Hit the road, Jack

The English word "jack" has varied and diverse connotations and uses.

For instance, it can be used as a proper noun and popular men's name:

Hit the road, Jack, and don't you come back no more no more no more no more.

It can be used as a common noun such as as for the game of jacks or the so-named tool.

But the word "jack" also has a number of verb uses. Of particular significance is the distinction between "jack" and "jack off."

Jack, used alone, refers to being robbed, ganked, or mugged.

Thug: Get out! This is a carjack!

Greg Brady: Well, of course this is a car. But my name's not Jack.

Jack off, used in tandem, refers to manual (i.e. by hand) stimulation of male genitalia resulting in jizz.

If Jack helped you off the horse, would you help jack off the horse?

And now, the story: This weekend, I visited the Queen of Awesome (and my heart), Sandlot, at her graduate school university via Greyhound bus (a mode of transportation decidedly more ghetto than train and infamous for being populated by ex cons and crazy decapitating schizophrenics).

In reference to my somewhat unkempt appearance today:

Andy: It's okay, I don't need to impress anyone on the bus.

Sandlot: What about all those sketchy ex-cons?

Andy: Yeah, well if I look too nice then I might get jacked.

Sandlot: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Andy: That's not what I meant...

Sandlot: But you got what I was thinking.

Stupid, Jack. Get your mind out of the gutter.

5 comments:

sandlot said...

Jacked... past-tense for jack off?

As in: I'm sure some of those burly ex-cons got jacked while in prison...

a_ndy said...

Yo, when I read the above sentence I actually think, "Those ex-cons got ripped while in prison" i.e. had nothing to do but work out and grow some massive guns (the ones on your arms not the one in one's pants). Tsk.

Michael said...

Well, duh. Listen, if it was standard for men to "grow a massive gun" (the one in one's pants) in prison... crime would be a LOT more popular.

Jerry said...

You know what they say...

"Zipper down, Jacket off"

which REALLY means

"Zipper down, JACK IT off"

p.s. This has gotta be my favourite post yet!

p.p.s. This post could only have been made better by a reference to JACK Bauer and the notion of Jacking Jacked Jack with a Jack

a_ndy said...

I thought about bringing Jack Bauer into this discussion as well, since I will be watching Part 2 of the four hour season opener tonight.