Monday, March 8, 2010

Can you Guess Who?

Clue, the classic murder mystery board game by Parker Brothers is iconic. Popular in its own right, Clue has also received countless references on television, in movies, and throughout Western culture. These references always take the form of the classic Clue deductive statement: "It was [person] in the [location] with the [murder weapon]." For one reason or another, pop culture has almost universally blamed the infamous Colonel Mustard.

It was Colonel Mustard in the library/dining room/study with the candlestick/candleholder/lead pipe!

Well today, amusingly enough, we had a lecturer named Dr. Mustard. I took the opportunity to shoot off an impromptu text message to a number of my friends:

It was Dr. Mustard in the kitchen with the candelabra!

Moments later, the replies began to filter in...

Yubin: Lol he is my PBL tutor hehe

J-Rock, sitting two persons down from me, turned in my direction and spelled out in audible English: "L - O - L." My quip seemed to be well taken, but then chaos ensued.

During our break, I nudged J-Rock and gestured in Mello's direction. "She doesn't get it."

Mello turned to Maximus on her right and tilted the phone in his direction. "Do you get this?"

"It was Dr. Mustard in the kitchen with the candelabra? No, I don't get it."

The phone was turned over to Yuffie. "No, I don't get it either. What is this?"

"Seriously, were did you guys grow up?" I asked, breathlessly.

"Well, I grew up in China," Maximus countered. "Or at least I was born there."

"Yeah," agreed Yuffie.

"Okay, fair enough," acknowledged J-Rock. "You should explain it to them."

"It's from the board game Clue!" I explained. "There's a character named Colonel Mustard and our lecturer's name is Dr. Mustard."

"Oh! I've played Clue!" exclaimed Mello.

"Oh my goodness... you've played it?!" retorted J-Rock. "Actually, that would have been a good thing to ask first."

Later, Kon stopped me and asked, "What's a candelabra?" He didn't get it either.

Finally, the last text message came in.

Stewie: I don't get it?

I guess when it comes to Colonel Mustard, five to two, my friends don't have a Clue. Childhood fail.

P.S. According to at least 18 people on Urban Dictionary, Colonel Mustard also refers to ejaculating into a girl's eye, causing a burning sensation which makes her wink like a colonel's monacle. /wtfux


Michael said...

The second definition isn't much better: "A dirty practical joke, where a squeeze mustard bottle is shoved into the victim's ass nozzle first and squeezed, ejecting the mustard into said victim's ass."

Umm, ok yea, I think you're just a perv.

yubin said...

clue is one of my favorite board games of all time.

as well as a battleship!!!

Jerry said...

BattleShits is my fav game of all time. I accomplish two things at once. :D Awesomeness at its extreme

p.s. the definitions of colonel mustard actually make some sense

sandlot said...

Battleship is the worst game of all time... and this is not because I always lose due to the fact that I have the strategic mind of a ladybug.. wuttt?!!!

a_ndy said...

@ Michael: Hey, don't blame me. Blame Urban Dictionary.

@ Yubin: Ah, so glad you got it. Everyone else was just depressing.

@ Jerry: You sank my battlesh!t

@ Sandlot: Attention span of a gerbil and strategic mind of a ladybug? Who am I dating here...? Just kidding, you're awesome.