Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Driving me bananas!

I know that driving in Ontario is by no means on anyone's "worst driving in the world" list, but I still get pretty darn frustrated by the ridiculous driving I have to put up with every day. In fact, in the 15 minute car ride from the subway station to my house, I observed no less than three major and wholly upsetting traffic infractions. Let's recap...

First up, we have Intersection # 1. At this intersection, crossing straight across the intersection in this direction is verboten between 4 and 6 PM. This means you either need to turn left (usually cutting through a plaza to get to the other side) or right. Occasionally, police will ticket the rule-breakers going straight, but these rebels don't get their just desserts very often.

The street is one lane except at the very mouth where a car both going left and right can be accommodated. Stopped at a red light behind a bus and two cars, the yellow car decided to make the whole damn road two lanes by driving through the opposing lane. However, not being able to make it all the way to the intersection, he somehow plugged himself back into the lane ahead of the other two cars and behind the bus.

Summary: The yellow car skipped into opposing traffic so that he could sneak himself in ahead of the cars in front of him.

What should have happened: The car behind the bus should have closed the gap in front of it, leaving the yellow car stuck in the opposing lane to suffer a tragic MVA at the hands of opposing traffic when the light turned green - or at least the ire of other drivers.

Past Intersection # 1, we made a left turn and then turned right into Plaza A (that big pile of dirt is actually a McDonald's now). This is easiest and most legal way to bypass the "no straight through" rule of Intersection # 1. Proceeding straight, we were cut off by the red car making a left turn.

You may not know this about me, but I'm religious about my right of way. Obviously, the straight-going individual has right of way over the turning one (unless there's a stop sign or traffic light - there was not). The red car was driven by what appeared to be a seventeen-year-old white boy, who upon being honked, glared and honked back.

Summary: Seventeen-year old delinquent made a left turn against right of way and gave punkish attitude back.

What should have happened: In a perfect world, I would be driving a monster truck or a vehicle equipped with rocket launchers. That would send that irreverent little arse crying back to his mama... in a tin can.

Leaving Intersection # 1 behind, we arrived at Intersection # 2. Intersection # 2 is the end of a two-lane road. You can see the arrows marking that the left lane turns left and the right lane turns right. Now 90% of people I observe (including on many occasions my own parents) make a turn from the left lane and swing directly into the right lane (taking two lanes in one turn). This breaking of protocol (you're supposed to make left turns into the leftmost lane and right turns into the rightmost lane) irks me a great deal, but is fairly common.

However, today we happily made our left turn into the leftmost lane. I looked to the side to see the red car (a different one from the previous diagram) swinging out to our side and landing in the rightmost lane. What the heck? Basically, this car either made the turn from the right lane (most likely) or started behind us and swung out so fast that they finished the turn at the same time at us. Seriously, wtfux.

Summary: Left turn made out of the right-turn lane.

What should have happened: Spontaneous combustion of the offending vehicle.

In conclusion, I hate you belligerent drivers who have no regard for traffic law. I hate you even more when you act like you are in the right and most of all when you have audacity to honk back. In the future, I will join the police academy and become a traffic cop just so that I can troll the streets and impound all your fucking cars. Either that or I'll take over the world and drive around in a monster truck version of the Batmobile armed with guided missiles.

Hello, Mr. Shoddy Driver. Would you like to be squashed today or blown to smithereens? Kthx.



P.S. Just a disclaimer: I do not suffer from road rage IRL.

1 comment:

sandlot said...

P.S. Just a disclaimer: I do not suffer from road rage IRL.

No, you just run yellow lights.