Monday, May 17, 2010

Now seeking membership

Seriously, how do I achieve membership in this club? What if I rock the set of Jersey Shore: Version Yellow Fever?

Despite spamming Jimmy Kimmel's mailbox, I have yet to hear back regarding my membership application. This seems tragically unfair in light of my great ass and piercing brown eyes. As such, I can only make the following conclusion as to why I have not yet been voted in as handsome: white supremacism.

That's right, the only thing holding me back from the hottest in-crowd since the Justice League (apparently writing a mean blog doesn't qualify as a superpower... I beg to differ) is the colour of my skin. Allow me to demonstrate by reviewing HMC's membership roster:
  • Patrick Dempsey (White)
  • Rob Lowe (White)
  • Matthew McConaughey (White)
  • John Krasinski (White)
  • Tony Romo (White)
  • Keith Urban (White)
  • Ethan Hawke (White)
  • Josh Hartnett (White)
  • Sting (White)
  • Ted Danson (White)
  • Matt Damon (White)
  • Ben Affleck (White)
  • Gilles Marini (White... and French)
  • Taye Diggs (Token Black dude)
  • Lenny Kravitz (According to Sandlot, almost White)
At final count, HMC includes thirteen (fifteen if you include Jimmy Kimmel and George Clooney) white folk of varying ages, the token brother, and one half-Jewish/half-Bahamian rock star. God bless America.

If you, like me, are brought to tears by this injustice, please support me by signing my petition to Mr. Jimmy Kimmel that I be forthwith and without delay inducted into the Handsome Men's Club.


For those of you who, like me, are not walking encyclopedias of pop culture, the Ben Affleck and Matt Damon bits at the end of the video refer to a recurring Jimmy Kimmel joke and a faux-rivalry between Kimmel and Damon. Damon allegedly stole away with Kimmel's long-time girlfriend Sarah Silverman (and announced it via song), and in retaliation Kimmel boned Damon's brother-from-another-mother Ben Affleck (also announced via song). I guess Ben's wife Jennifer Garner has been rolled into complicity. Click here to watch the musical rivalry unfold!


sandlot said...

Taye Diggs is also black.

It's like when Hollywood wants to make a movie that has a black star but appeals to the white folks, who do they cast?


Mello said...

whoa, you actually tweeted about Almond?! LOL!

Michael said...


To be fair though, Will Smith is an amazing actor. Have you seen him in Ali? Talk about "float like a butterfly, sting like a bee"! Nobody else could have pulled off that performance so well. I mean, I watched it in the movie theater with my family and when he made that incredible left hook my mom got scared and said "You're moving with your auntie and your uncle in Bel-Air." I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said "Fresh" and there were dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare but I thought, naw, forget it, yo holmes to Bel-Air. I pulled up to the house about seven or eight and said to the cabbie "Yo holmes smell ya later." Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.


Terence said...

lmao that's pretty hilarous

Terence said...

btw there should be a un-support option for the petition :P