Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Vocab lesson: Armor lock


Brutus: What is "armor lock"?

Andy: It makes you invincible for a few seconds, but you can't move. 

Brutus: Oh, the guy doing the Tebow!

Monday, April 30, 2012

California Rolls (ft.Soosh Dogg)


So, you may not know this, but my lovely girlfriend Sandlot has an unhealthy obsession with sushi. Yes, the fear of brain parasites, lead poisoning, or viral gastroenteritis are not nearly enough to dissuade her from this gastronomical pursuit. In fact last night she was raving about, dreaming of, and salivating over the Volcano Sushi we ate this weekend at Arisu in Koreatown - and that was after we had already had sushi for lunch.

As you can see, over the years, I too have been sucked into this raw fish eating craze. While I do try to take a risk reduction strategy of eating sushi sparingly to decrease my lifetime chance of parasites, you gotta pick your battles.

Digging into a stack of avocado-packed maki on Saturday, Sandlot declared: "I love California Rolls."

Just like Far East Movement streamed through my brain every time I was up on the Gynaecology ward on D6, I could instantly hear the music. It went a little like this...


[Soosh Dogg]
Greetings loved ones
Itadakimasu

[Katy Sushi]
I know a place
Where the food is really fresher
Warm miso soup
And a tantalizing salad
Sippin' on Sapporo
Chilling outside on the patio
The line
Out the door
Try'na order up some sushi
(like us)

You could travel the world
But nowhere makes grub
Like the Rising Sun
Once you dining with us
You'll be falling in love
Oh, oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh

California rolls
They're so delectable
Fake crab meat
Tobiko on top
Wasabi
So hot
Will make your nose run
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh, oh
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh

California rolls
They're irresistible
Fine, fresh fruit
We got it on rice
East coast represent
Now put your chopsticks up
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh, oh
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh

Fish on a plate
We got soy sauce in our bowls
We eat
And we eat
Until our belt line's gonna blow

You could travel the world
But nowhere makes grub
Like the Rising Sun
Once you dining with us
You'll be falling in love
Oh, oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh

California rolls
They're so delectable
Fake crab meat
Tobiko on top
Wasabi
So hot
Will make your nose run
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh, oh
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh

California rolls
They're irresistible
Fine, fresh fruit
We got it on rice
East coast represent
Now put your chopsticks up
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh, oh
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh

[Soosh Dogg]
Fresh fish
Cut and ready
Eat it up cause I'm gettin' heavy
Wild wild salmon
These are the fish I love the most

I love the rolls
I love like all the roe
Eat it
Chew it
Stuff your hole

Sashimi freak
I don't eat cheap
Never had shark meat
That's okay
Another day
I love new fish
Just like I love saké
Spicy Tuna
And salmon too
Sushi time is coming through

Come on boys
Hanging out
With your tummy
Bulging out
Fresh maki, and sushi, sashimi
No congee
Just the fish and wasabi

Sushi, my entree (yeah)
You tasting good, baby (uh huh)
I'm all up on you
Cause you representing California (oh yeah)

[Katy Sushi]
California rolls
They're so delectable
Fake crab meat
Tobiko on top
Wasabi
So hot
Will make your nose run
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh, oh
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh

California rolls
They're irresistible
Fine, fresh fruit
We got it on rice
East coast represent
Now put your chopsticks up
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh, oh
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh

[Soosh Dogg]
(California, California)
California rolls, man
(California)
I really wish
All food could be
California rolls
(California, yeah)

In real life, I actually do not like saké...

Monday, April 16, 2012

I feel like a sheep, bah bah

Remember when the iPad was first announced and we all laughed? "It's like a giant iPhone without the phone," we said. "It's like a PC without any of the computing power," we joked. "It has the worst name ever! It sounds like a feminine hygiene product!" we ribbed.

Fast forward several years, and the must-have item in every class raffle or draw this year has been an iPad (except for that one completely rigged contest for a 42" LCD TV... grrr).

And I, myself, having had an iPad serendipitously dropped into my lap by a guardian angel called my older sister have become completely inseparable from the item. In fact, I've spent the last week glued to it, reading First Aid for the USMLE Step 2 while furiously finger highlighting using a $9.99 PDF-reading app.

Its impressive battery life (versus its phone counterpart) and quick wake-up time make it super convenient when looking up factoids on the fly, and while I entirely disdain hardcore gaming on touch devices, I have three simultaneous "Draw Something" games open with classmates (including Yubin) and "Words With Friends" games running with a friend from elementary school and a medical student from Alberta.

Worst of all, while I trumpeted my technological leap from Blackberry to Android, I've found the device so frustrating (despite rooting my phone - the most sophisticated technical maneuver I've ever made) that I am seriously considering switching to an iPhone.

I look back and I think about all the criticisms leveled at the iPad at its launch - which were all true - and I wonder... when did I become a convert? When did I jump on the Apple bandwagon? Oh right... probably about the same time that I got one for free.

Speaking of which, I heard that the University of Ottawa gives away free iPads to medical residents. Selling point? Some would argue, yes. I think Sandlot has called dibs on mine, though.

Dear Apple, even though I am now an iPad believer... and maybe even an iPhone believer... I still hate you. Let's just be content to know that we've moved from a hate-hate to a love-hate relationship and that I will never ever buy one of these... and definitely not one of these.

Friday, April 13, 2012

Remember this teen heartthrob?

So Mass Effect 3 pulls from some high grade Hollywood talent for its voice acting. Including Martin Sheen as the enigmatic Illusive Man, Seth Green (Buffy, Austin Powers) as sarcastic pilot Jeff "Joker" Moreau, Yvonne Strahovski (Chuck) as the seductive but calculating Miranda Lawson, and teen heartthrob Freddie Prinze Jr. (She's All That, 24) as... stocky, no-neck jarhead James Vega (Sorry, I don't see the resemblance).

It's hard to know exactly what Freddie Prinze's character is doing in Mass Effect 3 at all, though. Introduced out of nowhere for the third installment, he's not particularly useful, he's not romanceable (unlike just about every other human henchman in the game... including my shuttle pilot), and worst of all, he's not particularly likable.

In fact, just the other day, my Femshep went down to the shuttle bay to talk to him, and he decided that he would nickname her Lulu. Why? Because "some people just don't match their names" and his best friend when he was little had an older sister named Lulu - "She was hot... and tough."

See, James, this is why I don't take you on any missions...

Seriously, though, calling my male Shepard "Loco" because of all the crazy sh*t he's done, but calling my female Shepard "Lulu" because she reminds you of your childhood buddy's hot older sister? I think that's just a little bit sexist.

Also, I don't know why my Femshep feels like she has to hit on everything that moves. It's either pick the asshole dialogue option or have her gush out that she's, "Enjoying the show" i.e. Freddie Prinze Jr. working out.

Sure, male Shepards are open to flirting when the time is right too... but not like this! YOU JUST MET HIM! Sigh. This reminds me of how in the second game, every time Femshep talked to my black human henchman, Jacob, she opened with, "I just want to get to knoooow you a bit better" in this disgusting faux-seductive voice. Eventually, I just stopped visiting him. Down, girl!

Anyways, end rant. I promise my next post won't be about Mass Effect or gaming. Comments, please come back!

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Wait, now you're bisexual?


So, as you may already know, I am a huge fan of Bioware's epic science fiction RPG Mass Effect. It's a brilliant piece of space opera complete with larger-than-life conflicts and believable characters. Also, as believers in equal opportunity, Bioware provides the opportunity to play as either a male or female protagonist (always known as Commander Shepard).

On my fourth playthrough of Mass Effect, I decided to mix things up a little and play a female lead (colloquially known as a "Femshep"). There were a number of reasons for this:
  1. There is only one male voice track, and I had always considered my first Commander Shepard the "real" one. Replaying male characters over and over, but making different decisions, it almost felt like usurpers were using my male Shepard's voice... and I was starting to get them all jumbled in my mind.
  2. Jennifer Hale is, in general, a more famous and better voice actor. I wanted to experience her rendition of the Shepard dialogue.
  3. My Femshep is an Infiltrator (read: sniper), and I thought a Femshep's lithe figure would fit this class well, channeling famous cloaking assassins like Starcraft's Kerrigan and Nova.
As with all great heroes, Femshep is entitled to a great romance. Of course, being of a dual-X chromosome persuasion, she has different romance options than my previous male Shepards. Femshep can decide to hook up with the mono-gendered (but really, female) blue alien Dr. Liara T'soni or she can pick the hetero route and be with the well-mannered biotic (read: Force powers) soldier Kaidan Alenko.

Now, I had decided even before beginning my playthrough that Femshep was going to choose Liara. She is 100% into women, because even though I'm curious enough to play a female character, I have a hard time actively taking a role in flirting with men.

That said, not one to close any doors until the last minute, Femshep led both Liara and Kaidan on with a suggestive word here and there. Of course, all her machinations caught up with her, when an exasperated Liara and Kaidan compared notes and came storming into the communications room demanding that Femshep make a choice. I guess this ultimatum was Bioware's way of forcing my Femshep not to be a major slut (even though, she can potentially sleep with a different girl in each of the two sequels).

This scene plays out more or less as it does in the video above (except that my Femshep is not brown). Kaidan is shocked to find out that Femshep is into women, and when she suggests a little menage-a-trois his wholesome little self freaks out, leaving Femshep and Liara to continue their romance unfettered by balls.

So Kaidan is a monogamous kind of guy. I respect that. He's also not into women who are into women. I get that too.

Fast forward five years. I've just finished playing through Mass Effect 3, and having seen the story from my true male Shepard's eyes, I've been using Wiki to discover all the different permutations about how decisions I've made over the past three games can play out differently than they did for him.

Here's the kicker. Playing a male Shepard, if Kaidan Alenko, monogamous heterosexual goodie-goodie from Mass Effect 1 survives... you can romance and bang him in Mass Effect 3!

So, what... now you're bisexual? After all your self-righteous, "I didn't realize that... well, that you prefer other women"? After the dirty looks you gave Femshep for suggesting a threesome? Now I find out that Kaidan has been hiding the fact that he's just as partial to male bits as female ones? It's like and entire re-writing of his character.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not judging Kaidan for being bisexual (much). I'm judging him for judging Femshep then turning around in the third game and revealing that everything he's professed about his sexual preferences is a lie. And for the record, Femshep was just pretending to be polite in offering that threesome. She's as fruity as an apple orchard, and she knows it. Liara ftw!

Sunday, February 26, 2012

The Asshole Effect: Fact or Fancy

I came across the above image on my Facebook news feed attached to the caption: "for some reason I believe that there's truth in this..." There's a lot of value judgement inherent in the image itself - two girls who look like they're plucked out of Girls Gone Wild, and the composer of the image clearly bitter about not being able to score with them. The crass statement, "fucked and chucked by an asshole" to me already indicates a level of respect that is not suggestive of a "nice guy."

I previously broke down a delusional male fantasy in the Cinderella Effect (one that I think many of us gentlemen have been prone to). Seeing the above image, I couldn't help but try to debunk the current presentation of the Asshole Effect. It's a pervasive concept in our society - one that I have at times felt is a compelling one. However, if I am to look genuinely at the sample of the circle of the people I know, it is one that is ultimately hollow. In fact, I think it's often just an excuse for boys with no sense of responsibility or introspection to blame others for their own shortcomings. Here's my response:

There's some truth in a lot of things... but often not enough to bank on. Fixing oneself on concepts like this can only add to one's problems. Is it true that women can be attracted to assholes? Yes. Is it true that men are often attracted to assholes? Yes. The girls in the above photo will probably end up with boys who match their personality. The boy who composed the photo above will probably end up alone.

It's easy to put the blame on external factors (like what women really want). We all, myself included, do so. It's the self-serving bias (I'm sure you could tell me more about this than I you). However, people tend to be severely lacking in introspection. In particular, people tend to ignore a) their side of the equation and b) their own expectations.

By ignoring their side of the equation, I mean people tend to expect a lot of others while not really critiquing themselves. Is it really the world that's gone and done them wrong, or is there something about the way they behave toward or interact with people that is contributing to their fortunes (and I'm not talking about "Oh, I am too nice" here)? Perhaps they spend too much time wallowing about how stupid the opposite sex is and composing photos "for the lulz", discrediting the way they act entirely. Maybe they're not actually so nice?

By ignoring their own expectations, I mean that in the same way they might think the opposite sex is attracted to questionable qualities, they themselves are attracted to similar qualities. These qualities might include attractiveness, hipness, party culture, or laughter in the face do danger. They might be attracted to someone on the basis of money or with the end goal of getting laid. While some of these qualities may not be negative, they may not match the seeker's own qualities - essentially they're emphasizing the wrong qualities, qualities which are not compatible with their own. "Oh, why does that girl I like who likes to party all the time like all those party animal boys?" Gee, I wonder...

People also tend to over-emphasize their own strengths. These may include attractiveness and hipness or maybe just niceness. Being unaware of our own qualities can be as devastating as being ignorant to the incompatibility of another's qualities. If all I do is chase Jessica Alba around all day, I'm likely to be disappointed all the time. The logical conclusion is that girls are stupid and value status over awesomeness, because I am awesome and Jessica Alba is definitely in my league both socially and in terms of attractiveness. Oh yes, and we also have so much in common! Right...

Now, I'm not saying that finding a compatible individual is easy. That's the hard part, and it can take years. I'm saying that people tend to target lots of incompatible individuals, and then blame the opposite sex in general for those incompatibilities, leading to interesting statements like the one above. People would do better if they paid more attention to themselves. Then, roll with the punches until you come out on top. In the end, there only needs to be one.

Of course, for me, the one is Sandlot. Hopefully I'm not an asshole!

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

The Jennifer Hepler Effect

GameSpot recently published an editorial attacking "gamer entitlement" for what can only be described as a disgusting display of human crudeness - mass derogatory and sexist slurs and attacks against one of BioWare's employees for comments she made in an interview in 2006. [Read about it here] I agree 100% that this is unacceptable. It's disgusting.

What I take issue with is that the cause is "gamer entitlement" and the idea that gamers are not entitled to drive content - that game developers can do whatever they want to. Yes, they can - but at their own folly. My response is as follows:

"I don't think the issue here is gamer entitlement. Gamers are, in fact, to be expected to feel somewhat entitled to direct the way the gaming industry goes. They do so with their dollars, and they may verbally give companies the heads-up as to what kinds of changes will move those dollars. True, the actual decisions as to what goes into a game belongs to the developer - but a developer is likely being foolish to not heed the desires of fans or to insult them with shameless and half-hearted attempts to milk them for money (often referred to as "selling out").

The issue here, really, is that the Internet abounds with bigoted, crude, biased individuals who feel that under the anonymous cover of their PC screen, they can say anything. The problems are really those inherent to the flaws of individuals. Is BioWare right to set an example of these people if it's within their power or to exclude them from their community? Absolutely. The community can be no worse for wear as a result. It would be stronger, likely. I would respect this.

Are gamers entitled to express their dismay, disappointment, or (strongly) disgust at the direction of a company or games? Absolutely. They do so with their dollars, and in doing so with their words, they're merely instructing companies as to what's happening with those dollars. Games are a product. Development is a service. Gamers are customers. To wrongly point the finger at gamer "entitlement" as the cause for this debacle of shameful human conduct is merely to do another wrong, which is to propagate the erosion of service culture in North America."

As to all your idiots on the Internet who brought this issue to the fore, I may not agree with GameSpot's Laura Parker as to the cause, but I certainly agree with her about the problem. I think Aaryn Flynn said it perfectly, and I applaud him for doing so: "Whatever, f***ing moron"

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Things she effing loves: Boys who are amazing...

In February 2009, just months before meeting yours truly, my epic love Sandlot wrote a blog dissertation on the type of boy she would dearly fall for. Three years later, with Valentine's Day just around the corner, how does her real partner in crime stack up to these lofty expectations?

1. Boys who are artistically inclined are amazing. Guys who can man a one-person band, are aspiring photographers, can dance or draw without being such an artist about it are pretty much amazing. If you can do all of the above, i will personally start up your own fan club (buttons included).

While, like any good Chinese kid, I played piano until Grade 8, I can barely pound out a scale anymore. I did buy a guitar with the aim of impressing Sandlot, but never managed to learn more than two chords. My artistic endeavors are limited to chibi doodles and my photography tends to consist of a smart phone and some soft blur. As for dancing, I can DDR. Does that count? I guess this explains why my fan club doesn't have buttons.

2. If you smoke, cuss like a sailor or have tattoos, then you are amazing. It's has nothing to do with the vice itself, but everything to do with the fact that you send out a big "eff you" to the system. I probably wouldn't date you, but i still think that you're motherfucking amazing.

I don't smoke or have tattoos, but on the plus side my chance of dying of lung cancer is much lower, and my ability to step into an MRI scanner without having my skin burned off is much higher. It's ironic that Sandlot, in effect, ended up dating probably the most compulsive rule follower ever. I'd also like to note, that when I do cuss people out like a sailor, Sandlot really dislikes it. I guess she's either grown up or... she lied!

3. Boys who are articulate and eloquent speakers are amazing. This is only to benefit and make up for my personal bouts of social awkwardness.

Finally, something I can pretend I'm good at! Despite having sometimes been called a human dictionary, my recent CaRMS interview tour hasn't exactly made me feel like a Barrack Obama level public speaker.

4. If you own a blog, you are amazing.

Check, check, and check.

5. Boys who are academic intellects are amazing. BA.MA.PH.D.MD. The more letters you have affixed to the end of your name, the greater the possibility that i will love you. Academic snobbery gives me the warm fuzzies on the inside. That, and i envision having such incredibly brilliant child prodigies who will eventually be shipped off to Mrs. Norton's Academy for Gifted Kids and Intellectual Geniuses because the public school system can't handle their profound intelligence.

While I might one day (with any luck) have some of these letters affixed to the end of my name, I'm not entirely sure I want a genius kid named Harvey's. We'll have to talk about that.

6. Boys who are ambitious are amazing. I find it strange that ambition tends to get such a bad rep because personally speaking, i would rather date the keener sitting in the first row of class with the 10-year plan then the dude who graduated university two years ago and is still working at pizza hut.

If by ambition, you mean achieving the rank of Commander in Halo: Reach and starting up a DDR Club in my alma mater, then yes, I've got that covered. At least, I don't see any Pizza Hut in my future... unless it's in my tummy!

7. Boys who are elitist about their music are amazing. If your taste in music is so obscure that even the members of your favourite band can't recall being in the band, or if you own the entire Billy Joel collection and know all the lyrics to "We Didn't Start the Fire", then you are amazing.

This is probably my biggest failure. The most obscure my music tastes dabble with is Linkin Park, but I can probably sing along to all the words of Avril Lavigne's Sk8er Boi. Maybe opposites can attract after all...

So that’s it. If you fall into all of these categories then i fucking love you and want to be your best friend, even if don’t know you.

So that's it, I can dubiously slot myself into 4/7 of Sandlot's pre-dating man-requisites. I've done the math, and that makes me only 57% of the man she envisioned herself ending up with!

Despite the discrepancy and the fact that I'm still trying to talk this girl out of sky diving, she is absolutely the one for me. So the question is... Will you be my Valentine, Sandlot?

Monday, February 6, 2012

The Small World of Drama

So, after a long hiatus from Japanese drama (since Crunchyroll went legit and stopped carrying it), I've finally swung back into action. Because I'm a total girl romantic, I picked up a romantic comedy called Boku to Star no 99 Nichi - which I think translates roughly to something like "My 99 Days with a Star". I've only watched one episode so far, but I'm already getting excited for this show. It looks like it has the whimsical over-the-top comedy that I tend to appreciate in Japanese TV with less of the circular self-inflicted plot devices that Korean drama are known for.

The show follows a Korean popstar who is making her Japanese debut. She is assigned a bodyguard from a private firm. Her bodyguard has a strong sense of justice, but unlike most men is totally not interested in the popstar (which makes him perfect to fall in love with her as the show progresses). To complicate things, her co-star (a celebrated Japanese actor) has a huge crush on her, and she herself is looking for "someone" (long lost lover?). Love quadrangle!

What really struck me though, is that even though I've watched such a pithy number of Japanese drama, they all seem to intersect based on their star power. Also, while the same has not been true of the Korean drama I've watched, with this show, my Korean and Japanese drama experiences have also started to meld. It's uncanny! Let me demonstrate:

I have watched a total of 4 Japanese drama to date.
  1. Hanazakari no Kimitachi e (or Hana Kimi) - is about a girl who pretends to be a boy to attend an all boys school in Japan to try and help her hero, a former star athlete, return to glory. The dorm leader is played by Mizushima Hiro.

  2. Mizushima Hiro appeared unwittingly again as a major love interest in another drama I watched, Zettai Kareshi, about a robot who is designed to be the ultimate boyfriend. The engineer for this robot is played by Sasaki Kuranosuke. The leading girl is played by Aibu Saki.

  3. Sasaki Kuranosuke also played an Internist in the third drama I watched, Iryu (Team Medical Dragon) - a medical drama about a master surgeon. Again completely accidental.

  4. I followed Aibu Saki over to the drama Attention Please, a show about Japan Airlines flight attendants.
Now in Boku to Star no 99 Nichi, Sasaki Kuranosuke follows me for a third time, playing the famed Japanese drama star. What's more, the Korean popstar is played by Kim Tae Hee (the Son Yeh Jin wannabe) who played Seung Hee in... IRIS (terrible show, but one of the limited number of Korean drama I have watched)! Her fated lover is played by Korean popstar Taecyeon (a.k.a. Beast), one of the stars of Dream High, which is one of the few Korean drama on my to-watch list (because I'm a huge IU fan).

So there you have it. Although most of the time, I don't do this on purpose, the stars in the few drama I have watched continue to intersect. Either the drama acting pool is very small, or my great taste on drama prefers a particular set of talented actors. Must be that one. Hahahaha.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Evacuate the Colon


So it occurred to me today that "evacuate" doesn't usually have very positive connotations. In general usage, it usually means vacating a building due to some kind of disaster. In medicine, it generally makes me think of the bowels.

Inspired by this, I've tweaked Cascada's "Evacuate the Dancefloor" into a song about colonoscopies. The thing that really struck me while composing this was how little tweaking many of the lyrics needed to turn it from a song about clubbing to a song about bowel prep...

Oh, bring out the bedpan, let's keep off of the floor
I feel it moving, and it's coming some more
Bowels getting physical, out of control, ah
This prep is killing me, ah, here comes a number three

Through the night, can't sit quite, feel it under your skin
Time is right, keep it tight 'til you're over that bin
Wrap it up, you can't stop 'cause it feels like an enema
(Feels like an enema)

Oh, oh, evacuate the colon
Oh, oh, for my colonoscopy
Oh, oh, stop, drink down this Golytely
Hey, Dr. MD, let my bowels empty out unbound

(Everybody on the ward) Evacuate the colon
Oh, oh, for my colonoscopy
(Everybody on the ward) Stop, drink down this Golytely
Hey, Dr. MD, toilet water flushing round and round

My body's aching, toilet overload
The water's rising, I'm about to explode
Now my bum is irritated, won't stop the flow, ah
It makes me wanna cry, ah, everybody step aside

Through the night, can't sit quite, feel it under your skin
Time is right, keep it tight 'til you're over that bin
Wrap it up, you can't stop 'cause it feels like an enema
(Feels like an enema)

Oh, oh, evacuate the colon
Oh, oh, for my colonoscopy
Oh, oh, stop, drink down this Golytely
Hey, Dr. MD, let my bowels empty out unbound

(Everybody on the ward) Evacuate the colon
Oh, oh, for my colonoscopy
(Everybody on the ward) Stop, drink down this Golytely
Hey, Dr. MD, toilet water flushing round and round

Come on and evacuate, while the camera's warming up
Move on and accelerate, push it out the bum
Come on and evacuate, while the camera's warming up
Move on and accelerate, you don't have to be afraid

Now guess who's back with a brand new crap?
They got everybody on the ward going mad
So everybody in the back
Get your back up off the can and just shake that thang

Go crazy, yo lady, yo baby
Let me see you wipe that thang
Now drop it down low, low
Let me see you scope it colorectal, yo

(Everybody on the ward) Evacuate the colon
(Everybody on the ward) For my colonoscopy
(Everybody on the ward) Stop, drink down this Golytely
Hey, Dr. MD, let my bowels empty out unbound

Oh, oh, evacuate the colon
Oh, oh, for my colonoscopy
Oh, oh, stop, drink down this Golytely
Hey, Dr. MD, let my bowels empty out unbound

(Everybody on the ward) Evacuate the colon
Oh, oh, for my colonoscopy
(Everybody on the ward) Stop, drink down this Golytely
Hey, Dr. MD, toilet water flushing round and round