Evacuate the Colon

So it occurred to me today that "evacuate" doesn't usually have very positive connotations. In general usage, it usually means vacating a building due to some kind of disaster. In medicine, it generally makes me think of the bowels.

Inspired by this, I've tweaked Cascada's "Evacuate the Dancefloor" into a song about colonoscopies. The thing that really struck me while composing this was how little tweaking many of the lyrics needed to turn it from a song about clubbing to a song about bowel prep...

Oh, bring out the bedpan, let's keep off of the floor

I feel it moving, and it's coming some more

Bowels getting physical, out of control, ah

This prep is killing me, ah, here comes a number three

Through the night, can't sit quite, feel it under your skin

Time is right, keep it tight 'til you're over that bin

Wrap it up, you can't stop 'cause it feels like an enema

(Feels like an enema)

Oh, oh, evacuate the colon

Oh, oh, for my colonoscopy

Oh, oh, stop, drink down this Golytely

Hey, Dr. MD, let my bowels empty out unbound

(Everybody on the ward) Evacuate the colon

Oh, oh, for my colonoscopy

(Everybody on the ward) Stop, drink down this Golytely

Hey, Dr. MD, toilet water flushing round and round

My body's aching, toilet overload

The water's rising, I'm about to explode

Now my bum is irritated, won't stop the flow, ah

It makes me wanna cry, ah, everybody step aside

Through the night, can't sit quite, feel it under your skin

Time is right, keep it tight 'til you're over that bin

Wrap it up, you can't stop 'cause it feels like an enema

(Feels like an enema)

Oh, oh, evacuate the colon

Oh, oh, for my colonoscopy

Oh, oh, stop, drink down this Golytely

Hey, Dr. MD, let my bowels empty out unbound

(Everybody on the ward) Evacuate the colon

Oh, oh, for my colonoscopy

(Everybody on the ward) Stop, drink down this Golytely

Hey, Dr. MD, toilet water flushing round and round

Come on and evacuate, while the camera's warming up

Move on and accelerate, push it out the bum

Come on and evacuate, while the camera's warming up

Move on and accelerate, you don't have to be afraid

Now guess who's back with a brand new crap?

They got everybody on the ward going mad

So everybody in the back

Get your back up off the can and just shake that thang

Go crazy, yo lady, yo baby

Let me see you wipe that thang

Now drop it down low, low

Let me see you scope it colorectal, yo

(Everybody on the ward) Evacuate the colon

(Everybody on the ward) For my colonoscopy

(Everybody on the ward) Stop, drink down this Golytely

Hey, Dr. MD, let my bowels empty out unbound

Oh, oh, evacuate the colon

Oh, oh, for my colonoscopy

Oh, oh, stop, drink down this Golytely

Hey, Dr. MD, let my bowels empty out unbound

(Everybody on the ward) Evacuate the colon

Oh, oh, for my colonoscopy

(Everybody on the ward) Stop, drink down this Golytely

Hey, Dr. MD, toilet water flushing round and round