Monday, April 30, 2012

California Rolls (ft.Soosh Dogg)


So, you may not know this, but my lovely girlfriend Sandlot has an unhealthy obsession with sushi. Yes, the fear of brain parasites, lead poisoning, or viral gastroenteritis are not nearly enough to dissuade her from this gastronomical pursuit. In fact last night she was raving about, dreaming of, and salivating over the Volcano Sushi we ate this weekend at Arisu in Koreatown - and that was after we had already had sushi for lunch.

As you can see, over the years, I too have been sucked into this raw fish eating craze. While I do try to take a risk reduction strategy of eating sushi sparingly to decrease my lifetime chance of parasites, you gotta pick your battles.

Digging into a stack of avocado-packed maki on Saturday, Sandlot declared: "I love California Rolls."

Just like Far East Movement streamed through my brain every time I was up on the Gynaecology ward on D6, I could instantly hear the music. It went a little like this...


[Soosh Dogg]
Greetings loved ones
Itadakimasu

[Katy Sushi]
I know a place
Where the food is really fresher
Warm miso soup
And a tantalizing salad
Sippin' on Sapporo
Chilling outside on the patio
The line
Out the door
Try'na order up some sushi
(like us)

You could travel the world
But nowhere makes grub
Like the Rising Sun
Once you dining with us
You'll be falling in love
Oh, oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh

California rolls
They're so delectable
Fake crab meat
Tobiko on top
Wasabi
So hot
Will make your nose run
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh, oh
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh

California rolls
They're irresistible
Fine, fresh fruit
We got it on rice
East coast represent
Now put your chopsticks up
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh, oh
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh

Fish on a plate
We got soy sauce in our bowls
We eat
And we eat
Until our belt line's gonna blow

You could travel the world
But nowhere makes grub
Like the Rising Sun
Once you dining with us
You'll be falling in love
Oh, oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh

California rolls
They're so delectable
Fake crab meat
Tobiko on top
Wasabi
So hot
Will make your nose run
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh, oh
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh

California rolls
They're irresistible
Fine, fresh fruit
We got it on rice
East coast represent
Now put your chopsticks up
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh, oh
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh

[Soosh Dogg]
Fresh fish
Cut and ready
Eat it up cause I'm gettin' heavy
Wild wild salmon
These are the fish I love the most

I love the rolls
I love like all the roe
Eat it
Chew it
Stuff your hole

Sashimi freak
I don't eat cheap
Never had shark meat
That's okay
Another day
I love new fish
Just like I love saké
Spicy Tuna
And salmon too
Sushi time is coming through

Come on boys
Hanging out
With your tummy
Bulging out
Fresh maki, and sushi, sashimi
No congee
Just the fish and wasabi

Sushi, my entree (yeah)
You tasting good, baby (uh huh)
I'm all up on you
Cause you representing California (oh yeah)

[Katy Sushi]
California rolls
They're so delectable
Fake crab meat
Tobiko on top
Wasabi
So hot
Will make your nose run
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh, oh
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh

California rolls
They're irresistible
Fine, fresh fruit
We got it on rice
East coast represent
Now put your chopsticks up
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh, oh
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh

[Soosh Dogg]
(California, California)
California rolls, man
(California)
I really wish
All food could be
California rolls
(California, yeah)

In real life, I actually do not like saké...

Monday, April 16, 2012

I feel like a sheep, bah bah

Remember when the iPad was first announced and we all laughed? "It's like a giant iPhone without the phone," we said. "It's like a PC without any of the computing power," we joked. "It has the worst name ever! It sounds like a feminine hygiene product!" we ribbed.

Fast forward several years, and the must-have item in every class raffle or draw this year has been an iPad (except for that one completely rigged contest for a 42" LCD TV... grrr).

And I, myself, having had an iPad serendipitously dropped into my lap by a guardian angel called my older sister have become completely inseparable from the item. In fact, I've spent the last week glued to it, reading First Aid for the USMLE Step 2 while furiously finger highlighting using a $9.99 PDF-reading app.

Its impressive battery life (versus its phone counterpart) and quick wake-up time make it super convenient when looking up factoids on the fly, and while I entirely disdain hardcore gaming on touch devices, I have three simultaneous "Draw Something" games open with classmates (including Yubin) and "Words With Friends" games running with a friend from elementary school and a medical student from Alberta.

Worst of all, while I trumpeted my technological leap from Blackberry to Android, I've found the device so frustrating (despite rooting my phone - the most sophisticated technical maneuver I've ever made) that I am seriously considering switching to an iPhone.

I look back and I think about all the criticisms leveled at the iPad at its launch - which were all true - and I wonder... when did I become a convert? When did I jump on the Apple bandwagon? Oh right... probably about the same time that I got one for free.

Speaking of which, I heard that the University of Ottawa gives away free iPads to medical residents. Selling point? Some would argue, yes. I think Sandlot has called dibs on mine, though.

Dear Apple, even though I am now an iPad believer... and maybe even an iPhone believer... I still hate you. Let's just be content to know that we've moved from a hate-hate to a love-hate relationship and that I will never ever buy one of these... and definitely not one of these.

Friday, April 13, 2012

Remember this teen heartthrob?

So Mass Effect 3 pulls from some high grade Hollywood talent for its voice acting. Including Martin Sheen as the enigmatic Illusive Man, Seth Green (Buffy, Austin Powers) as sarcastic pilot Jeff "Joker" Moreau, Yvonne Strahovski (Chuck) as the seductive but calculating Miranda Lawson, and teen heartthrob Freddie Prinze Jr. (She's All That, 24) as... stocky, no-neck jarhead James Vega (Sorry, I don't see the resemblance).

It's hard to know exactly what Freddie Prinze's character is doing in Mass Effect 3 at all, though. Introduced out of nowhere for the third installment, he's not particularly useful, he's not romanceable (unlike just about every other human henchman in the game... including my shuttle pilot), and worst of all, he's not particularly likable.

In fact, just the other day, my Femshep went down to the shuttle bay to talk to him, and he decided that he would nickname her Lulu. Why? Because "some people just don't match their names" and his best friend when he was little had an older sister named Lulu - "She was hot... and tough."

See, James, this is why I don't take you on any missions...

Seriously, though, calling my male Shepard "Loco" because of all the crazy sh*t he's done, but calling my female Shepard "Lulu" because she reminds you of your childhood buddy's hot older sister? I think that's just a little bit sexist.

Also, I don't know why my Femshep feels like she has to hit on everything that moves. It's either pick the asshole dialogue option or have her gush out that she's, "Enjoying the show" i.e. Freddie Prinze Jr. working out.

Sure, male Shepards are open to flirting when the time is right too... but not like this! YOU JUST MET HIM! Sigh. This reminds me of how in the second game, every time Femshep talked to my black human henchman, Jacob, she opened with, "I just want to get to knoooow you a bit better" in this disgusting faux-seductive voice. Eventually, I just stopped visiting him. Down, girl!

Anyways, end rant. I promise my next post won't be about Mass Effect or gaming. Comments, please come back!

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Wait, now you're bisexual?


So, as you may already know, I am a huge fan of Bioware's epic science fiction RPG Mass Effect. It's a brilliant piece of space opera complete with larger-than-life conflicts and believable characters. Also, as believers in equal opportunity, Bioware provides the opportunity to play as either a male or female protagonist (always known as Commander Shepard).

On my fourth playthrough of Mass Effect, I decided to mix things up a little and play a female lead (colloquially known as a "Femshep"). There were a number of reasons for this:
  1. There is only one male voice track, and I had always considered my first Commander Shepard the "real" one. Replaying male characters over and over, but making different decisions, it almost felt like usurpers were using my male Shepard's voice... and I was starting to get them all jumbled in my mind.
  2. Jennifer Hale is, in general, a more famous and better voice actor. I wanted to experience her rendition of the Shepard dialogue.
  3. My Femshep is an Infiltrator (read: sniper), and I thought a Femshep's lithe figure would fit this class well, channeling famous cloaking assassins like Starcraft's Kerrigan and Nova.
As with all great heroes, Femshep is entitled to a great romance. Of course, being of a dual-X chromosome persuasion, she has different romance options than my previous male Shepards. Femshep can decide to hook up with the mono-gendered (but really, female) blue alien Dr. Liara T'soni or she can pick the hetero route and be with the well-mannered biotic (read: Force powers) soldier Kaidan Alenko.

Now, I had decided even before beginning my playthrough that Femshep was going to choose Liara. She is 100% into women, because even though I'm curious enough to play a female character, I have a hard time actively taking a role in flirting with men.

That said, not one to close any doors until the last minute, Femshep led both Liara and Kaidan on with a suggestive word here and there. Of course, all her machinations caught up with her, when an exasperated Liara and Kaidan compared notes and came storming into the communications room demanding that Femshep make a choice. I guess this ultimatum was Bioware's way of forcing my Femshep not to be a major slut (even though, she can potentially sleep with a different girl in each of the two sequels).

This scene plays out more or less as it does in the video above (except that my Femshep is not brown). Kaidan is shocked to find out that Femshep is into women, and when she suggests a little menage-a-trois his wholesome little self freaks out, leaving Femshep and Liara to continue their romance unfettered by balls.

So Kaidan is a monogamous kind of guy. I respect that. He's also not into women who are into women. I get that too.

Fast forward five years. I've just finished playing through Mass Effect 3, and having seen the story from my true male Shepard's eyes, I've been using Wiki to discover all the different permutations about how decisions I've made over the past three games can play out differently than they did for him.

Here's the kicker. Playing a male Shepard, if Kaidan Alenko, monogamous heterosexual goodie-goodie from Mass Effect 1 survives... you can romance and bang him in Mass Effect 3!

So, what... now you're bisexual? After all your self-righteous, "I didn't realize that... well, that you prefer other women"? After the dirty looks you gave Femshep for suggesting a threesome? Now I find out that Kaidan has been hiding the fact that he's just as partial to male bits as female ones? It's like and entire re-writing of his character.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not judging Kaidan for being bisexual (much). I'm judging him for judging Femshep then turning around in the third game and revealing that everything he's professed about his sexual preferences is a lie. And for the record, Femshep was just pretending to be polite in offering that threesome. She's as fruity as an apple orchard, and she knows it. Liara ftw!